Quick %&!)@($ Update!!!!

We will not be closing today, as the lenders blow! Forgive my crass depiction, but as a one time underwriter who has done a few$500 million deals, it is not that hard! I can underwrite a $20 million deal in 15 minutes, I would assume that a house purchase is just about the same process.  So we come to an easy conclusion, commercial loan underwriters = genius, residential loan underwriters = ratards! I am not sure how I am handling this as I have been mentally prepared for over a month that today was our closing date, so I think I am pissed, but pissed for me means very little, unless I am playing kickball, then that is scary pissed, where I am calm pissed right now. (I may be the only person suspended from two different kickball seasons for my "competitive nature") Kendal seems to be keeping it together and I am very proud of her for that, last week, not so much.  This week doing pretty well, maybe the reality set in for her that it wasn't going to happen.  The true test will be tonight when she comes home. I will know the second she walks in the door if we are good or I should put on body armor.  Kidding, of course, it's not that bad...

That's all I really have at the moment, starting to set up utilities because Larry jumped the gun and started disconnecting them and I don't want anything bad to happen if they are shut off.  We are becoming recyclers, yay environment, even though Kendal asked if they are making money off of us, you got to love the attitude towards money sometimes, even though it clashes with my mentality towards it on occasion. I love you honey, but I am not going to collect aluminum cans for the $7 a month it might net us. Next thing you know we will be cleaning up the highways for "extra cash." Too funny! I think that is about it for now, if anything changes I will be sure to let everyone know as I have no doubt that not only my scores of avid readers, but the entire nation is waiting on pins and needles to see this all come to a close.

So wishing us good luck and happy hunting!

What I have learned?

Well here we are a week out from closing and what have I learned? I have learned that certain attorneys truly are the devil, that though they might have once been children of god, somewhere along the line they were turned like Anakin Skywalker was turned into Darth Vader.  Is it a gradual process or an instant realization of the evil forces that presumably have always hidden deep within is a mystery to me and I hope to never find out?  All I know is that they are silver tongued manipulators who are best kept as paid employees and not adversaries. (I apologize to all my attorney friends who are actually nice, legitimate, and do things on the straight and narrow)  I have learned that in my 33 years that I have acquired absolutely nothing that can be used in a new house. Even the pieces I thought I could keep have been rendered unusable in almost all circumstances.  I have truly one thing that will be transported and used at the new house, but that might only be for a moment until it is sent to the basement where I believe the unwanted and the ugly will be left to rot. I have learned that the cost of new things borders on insanity and if you want really nice new things you are talking ludicrous type monies.  To date I would say Kendal and I have spent the sum of a small islands GDP and we have sufficiently filled up our bedroom, our dining room, part of our living room (we need one or two chairs still), a kitchen table, a new TV (sounds of Angels singing in the background) and a new refrigerator and oven.  This leaves roughly 2/3 of our house still completely empty! I have learned that Kendal gets buyers remorse somewhat fierce and rubbing her back while making a purchase tends to calm her down a bit. I have relearned that construction people cut massive corners to get a job done.  Whoever the plumber was really did crap, no pun intended, jobs on the toilets.  I have to fix every single one of them when I get into the place. Also, that they will bury building material in the yard instead of throwing it in the construction dumpster which results in a depression in the ground as the materials break down.  Oh joy! I have learned that property lines are very important and like a hillbilly protecting his land, they will defend it with a gun even though it is roughly 1.7 square feet on a sloping piece that can't used for anything because the State of Georgia wouldn't allow you to cut down the trees anyways. I have learned that it is best to be neighborly right away because people have long memories and you never know when you will need someone to return a favor somewhere down the road. I have learned that a home alarm is suggested, but when you have a 100 pound dog living at home, and that home has floor windows that he can stand and stare out of, you have little worry about anyone breaking into your house.  On a side note if that dog chews on horse femurs as a snack, that also dramatically reduces the chances that anyone wants to try and get at your belongings. I have learned that estate sales rock, but that I am uncomfortable putting a price tag on someones life without a strange feeling of shame.  I quickly get over that feeling because I have an MBA and we are taught to have no morals or ethics in business dealings and then I laugh and smile at their puny belongings while I dance on their crippled and broken bodies (just joking). I have learned that the architect in me is not dead, it has only been turned into a STRAIGHT interior designer who watches too much HGTV and spends countless hours debating different wood finishes with the actual gay furniture sales people. I have learned that you go neutral and add color with pillows and decorations, combined with that I have also learned that a glass table does not visibly take up space and can make a small space appear larger, I have hundreds of these now. I have learned that I need an "outdoor room". I have learned that all my skills in home repair add up to absolutely nothing when it is my own home.  I am so much more comfortable with a professional doing it, even though they might not necessarily do a better job.  I have learned that cheap wallpaper is harder to get off then trying to regrow a new limb. I have learned that no matter what, I was not totally nor will I ever be totally prepared. I have learned that I really appreciate the advice of all the family and friends who have helped us and heard us drone on and on about the house and have been nice about us disappearing from their lives while we are trying to get our lives in order. But most importantly I have learned that Kendal and I make a pretty good team and we can overcome any obstacle together.

So one week to go people, that's if the underwriters come through on time.

So wishing us good luck and happy hunting!